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Couple’s Workshop        Professional Training

Premarital Education and Counseling based on the research of John Gottman

Why should we get premarital counseling?

Just about everyone has heard that 50% of all marriages in America end in divorce. Few people realize that half of the divorces occur during the first seven years of marriage.* Contrary to popular belief, it is not about  having compatible interests: it is about how you are talking to each other about your differences. Couples who are more negative during conflict early in marriage are more likely to divorce early.  You may be surprised to know that anger is not the culprit.  Anger is a normal, healthy emotion that gets expressed in the best of marriages. It is more about whether you as a couple can keep a healthy balance of positivity and negativity in your marriage. The Gottman research found that despite lots of variability between couples, there were certain things that happy couples had in common and certain things that unhappy couples had in common. In our premarital work you will learn what those things are and how your marriage can be a successful one.

*From journal of marriage and family (August 2000) Gottman and Levinson

Building a Sound Relationship House - What makes a satisfying marriage?

Gottman’s research on couples started with the basic question, What makes a satisfying marriage?  The Sound Relationship House is based on the results of his studies of real couples who got it right. In our premarital work you will learn what successful couples taught us about having a satisfying marriage.

1.  Learn how Love Maps provide a solid foundation for intimacy.

2.  Use the Fondness and Admiration System to maintain respect.

3.  Create an Emotional Bank Account you can draw upon in times of

     stress.

4.  Develop your problem-solving skills, including the four techniques of

     effective conflict resolution: Softened Start-Up, Accepting Influence,

     Repair Work, and De-escalation.

5.  Learn to recognize the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and what to

     do if they attack your marriage.

6.  Learn about the effects of physiological flooding and how it may affect

     conflict resolution.

7.  Find out how you can make your Dreams and Aspirations come true

     for you, your partner, and your relationship.

How does premarital counseling work?

Premarital counseling typically lasts 3-6 sessions. Sessions are 90 minutes.  In the initial session I take an oral history of your relationship. For example, how you first met, ups and downs of the relationship, and any concerns about the future. We will  talk about your philosophy of marriage and what is most important to each of you. I typically will combine the Prepare/Enrich assessment with the Gottman assessment to get a good understanding of your style of communication. In the feedback session,  I will talk to you about your relationship using the Sound Relationship House. We will decide together what we will focus on in the following sessions.

For more information, please visit: www.lisalundmft.com

Lisa Lund, CRC, MFT

Certified Gottman Couples Therapist

Santa Rosa:    (707) 547-0401

Novato:           (415) 460-9500